I have thought long and hard about this week’s blog. I think I am pretty honest with you about the good, the bad and the ugly of my gastric sleeve journey, but I struggle with how honest to be with you. I am talking about the numbers…my actual weight. It’s easy to share how many pounds I have lost and how many I am going to lose. What I haven’t shared are my starting numbers, but I know my readers are smart and you could figure this out on your own, if you’re so inclined.
Why would I tell you what I actually weighed at the beginning of this process? Mainly because I know that is what I wanted to know when I was researching gastric sleeve surgery. I wanted concrete evidence that the surgery would be worth it. While I do many things in my life based on my gut and intuition, I also like cold, hard facts and evidence. I would scour the web for any website or blog that mentioned actually pounds and showed before and after photos. All the professionals I saw during my surgery were very helpful, but the bravery of the people who had surgery and shared their numbers and photos helped convince me of my surgery decision.
The reason I have decided to share my numbers is that I hit a major milestone this week. This is week 19 and I have lost 64.5 pounds! This puts me, in what “gastric sleevers” call “onederland.” Yes, I am under 200 pounds for the first time in over 10 years. I am thrilled and proud and in a bit of shock still that I finally made this goal.
Yes, if you do the math that means I started my journey over 200 pounds. On the day of my surgery I weighed 262 pounds and this actually isn’t even my highest weight. No, my highest weight was actually 283 pounds. Yes, I was 17 pounds shy of 300. I want to cry as I type this. It is mortifying to think I was that heavy. The few friends who have known these numbers are so supportive and gracious and tell me I carried it well and that they never guessed it.
But I knew it and I denied it. Now I look back at photos and I can see the bloated face and protruding stomach and the huge, OK, humongous breasts, and not in a good way! And I felt every one of those extra pounds. Even though I tried to exercise, I was tired, exhausted, moody, and just plain old depressed. 64.5 pounds lighter is a new world for me. I feel so much better physically and mentally. I am still, however, working on forgiving myself for letting myself become obese. Forgiving others is easier than forgiving yourself.
I don’t want to make it seem that the numbers are the only thing that matter while losing weight. My goal weight is 150 pounds because that will give me a healthy BMI. I don’t recall when I weighed 150 in my life. I lost weight in college (over 20 years ago!) and got down to 160 pounds so 150 seems a bit daunting. I have 47.5 pounds to go so we’ll just see what happens. My doctor thinks this is reasonable so I’m going for it, but I am more concerned about being healthy and happy. OK, and looking good in clothes and being able to run and OK, looking good out of clothes for my hubby….
So, now’s it out there! I hope that my honesty will give others hope. You can be obese and lose the weight, no matter which method you choose. And if you have a hard goal, no matter what it is, you can do it. And sharing your goals and your fears as well as your successes is scary, but worth it. I guess it’s true what “they” say…the truth will set you free. And in my case, take me Down the Scale…