My gastric sleeve surgery is the catalyst for many changes in my life, and my relationship with food is one of the biggest changes I am making. My smaller stomach physically restricts the amount of food I can eat at one time, but as I progress to Week 22 of my journey, I am able to eat more of a variety of food and I find I can eat more often. While it is nice to feel “normal” this is also giving me a bit of anxiety. With the holiday season here, or my other name for it, “the indulgent food season”, I need to really focus on my relationship with food.
Food, in the past, has been such a huge part of my life. I used it to deal with depression, to reward myself for accomplishments, to fight boredom, and to celebrate holidays and anniversaries. I try not to use food in these ways, but it is going to happen. My anniversary weekend was a good test to see how I could handle food differently.
The ever-supportive hubby and I enjoying a night on the town to celebrate our 15 years being thick and now thin together. (A quick shout out to my hubby who has lost 50 pounds this year! He is amazing!) On these rare occasions when we have a date night, food would have been the focus. A dinner at a nice restaurant would always include appetizers for both of us, entrées and a glass of wine (OK, two) for me.
Now just because we’re eating better and healthier doesn’t mean we don’t want an enjoyable food experience. What we consider to be enjoyable, though, is now completely different! Instead of a huge, heavy meal, we ate wonderful salads at a café. They were delicious and left room for us to split a brownie from one of our favorite bakeries after we walked around the neighborhood! And there was still time for wine as we watched a musical show later that night. Such a lovely evening and it didn’t revolve around food!
So, food is not the enemy! Eating out is still enjoyable! But…yes, there had to be a but, I still struggle with some food. My body can handle tortilla chips and salsa very well; I’m afraid too well. Crackers are also easy for me to digest and I can eat more of them then I should. I don’t want to ban them from my diet because in the past that just makes me want whatever I say I can’t have even more. I am trying not to bring them in the house, but Goldfish crackers are a requirement when you have children. Healthy food is also another requirement, so that helps me when shopping for food. I am now finally eating like my children and it shows in how I feel and how I look. Oh, and how much weight I lose…70.5 pounds gone so far!
This is my latest challenge in my Down the Scale journey and that’s OK. I feel a bit like I have two personalities when it comes to food. “Normal Jen” eats healthy and small quantities, picks better food choices when she’s out and understands that small portions are satisfying. “Old Jen” thinks about fattening food, craves full sugar coffee drinks and wants non-fulfilling food like crackers in the pantry.
Fortunately, “normal” is wining over “old”, but I know that I will always have this struggle. And if the “old” wins sometimes, that’s going to be OK. I am human. I am not perfect. I am always trying to do my best and when it comes to weight loss and being healthy, that’s the best way to be, for me.
love reading your blog! I can totally identify with the “normal” and “old” versions – I think all of us who struggle to eat healthy and make good choices deal with that same battle… so, know that you are not alone! Keep up the great work and congratulations on your amazing success!
Thanks so much, Melanie! Glad to know I’m not alone!
You are kicking butt and should be proud of your, and your hubby’s, success! Keep your head high as you keep down the road…and don’t forget that the Christmas season has nothing to do with food..we all just make it that way but you’ll come out shining!!
Thanks so much, Lynn! It is the season to kick butt, I think! 🙂